I Have A Million Fears / by Patsy Kolesar

This post was originally written for the Doodle heads blog.

When I came across the Sketchbook Project I thought that it was the coolest project ever. I spent two weeks agonizing over which theme I would pick.....Facing Forward was what I finally concluded. I have been meditating, doing yoga, self reflecting, and figuring shit out for the past number of months. I was pretty sure that it was time to Face Forward.

I received my sketchbook and was delighted, gleeful, I couldn't stop stroking the book and flipping it's lovely crisp untouched pages. I sniffed it, I hugged it, I was super stoked. Days went by and I would pick it up, hold it and put it down. I was frozen with fear.

I've got a couple of big fears that I am fully aware of - fear of commitment, and fear of Failure.......hmmmmm, turns out this sketchbook project is bathed with both of these big time. There is something about knowing that every pen mark I put into this sketchbook is permanent....and others will see it, there is no backing out (hello fear of commitment). And what if it sucks....I sketch jewelry designs and they don't all turn out lovely, some turn out okay, some turn out brilliant and some kind of suck (howdy fear of failure, oh you again).

What to do.......okay I thought I would ease into it. I took my theme and started sketching in one of my more familiar books, a tried and true one.....easy breezy, I designed some unique earrings based on my them Facing Forward and on Self Reflection.
Okay, I thought I was pretty much ready to start on the real deal.....design a necklace in the empty gray moleskin book taunting me from my coffee table......nope.... couldn't do it. Again I picked it up and put it down and went to the comfort of my old private sketchbook.

This Facing Forward idea is turning out to be challenging in ways I didn't see coming. And now I am here with all of you, absolutely delighted to be asked to participate in this doodleheads blog. So excited to connect with a new community of artists. So nervous....I'm a jewelry designer.....I draw jewelry......to be amongst all of these other talented artists who can draw amazing is pretty crazy intimidating. But I'm going to do it. It's all about the risk right? Being an artist, being an entrepreneur, it is all about risk. I will Face Forward and I will start filling that sketchbook with pure brilliance....and some not so brilliant and I will share it with all of you.

Looking forward to this journey with everyone.
Patsy Kay Kolesar